


Maybe, in another lifetime...

by itsnotlove



Series: I adore you [3]
Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Confusion, F/M, Falling In Love, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Strong Female Characters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-15
Updated: 2016-11-15
Packaged: 2018-08-30 23:38:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8554201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsnotlove/pseuds/itsnotlove
Summary: It was stupid to believe that he'd be different, or that he'd be safe. But for now, the idea of him and how he could be different was the thing stopping her from drowning.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [dontbemeanplease](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=dontbemeanplease).



It wasn’t that Sonohara Sayaka was particularly vein, but more that she held herself to a high standard. As a child, she’d imagined her adult life to be a very certain way:

 

She would marry a kind man who could make her laugh. She’d have two children, a boy and a girl, and teach them to become brave and clever. They’d all live in a small but comfortable home, and take turns doing various chores. It didn’t matter if they weren’t rich- they’d be happy, and their home would always be warm and inviting.

 

Needless to say, very few parts of her dream life had ever become a reality.

 

As she nursed her swollen cheek, she couldn’t help but wonder when everything had changed. Her husband, a man who’d won her stolen her heart despite her many suitors, had once been kind and funny. He didn’t have much money, but would make her so many promises that she couldn’t help but be swept away. He’d listened to her, spoken to her, and they’d been a team from the beginning- until they weren’t.

 

The change had happened so quickly that her head was still spinning. Luckily, she’d noticed his behaviour before they’d tried for another child, which meant that she had successfully been able to protect at least one of the children from her childhood dreams from being born into such an awful home.

 

Her daughter, on the other hand, hadn’t been so lucky. There was nothing Sayaka could do to change that, but that didn’t mean that she didn’t work every day of her life to improve Anri’s life. Still, it didn’t ever feel like she was doing enough.

 

Even the least perceptive child would the bruising that her concealer couldn’t hide, and it was only a matter of time before her husband turned his attention toward his daughter. Sayaka hoped he wouldn’t, but wasn’t nearly naive enough to believe it. 

 

Wincing again in the mirror, she wondered just what she’d do if he were to ever harm her. She liked to think that she’d be able to leave, but as he’d spent all their money, that didn’t really seem feasible. 

 

A flash of red hair danced in her mind as she searched herself for an answer, but she quickly squashed it. Anri needed a father, and it would do no good for Sayaka to replace the abusive one with someone far more dangerous. His eyes had seemed cold and calculating, and his aura was one that made her want to scream in terror. There was nothing about that man that could help them.

 

“...”

 

But his eye had seemed kinder, softer, and his aura after she’d defended herself was radically different to how it had been initially. She knew, from the depths of her heart, that he would never raise his hand to her. He’d protect her- love her- and look after Anri. If her husband ever came after them, then he’d take care of it.

 

She was a monster, but he’d wanted to marry her. 

 

With a rough shake of her head, Sayaka dispelled any thoughts of the strange gangster she’d met. It would do her no good to fantasize, and she was probably just imagining him to be kinder than he was. If he was in that line of work, then he was probably more dangerous and unpredictable than her husband. It was irresponsible for her to daydream about anything other than a solution to her current problems.

 

The unrelenting voice of the sword that lived beneath her skin picked up, becoming louder and louder until she was unable to think. The constant chorus of ‘ _ love love love lovelovelovelove _ ’ swelled throughout her body, making it difficult for her to move or even breathe.

 

Violence wasn’t the answer to violence. She could never use this curse to protect herself, because that wouldn’t be right or just. It wouldn’t work, and she’d only be making an already difficult situation worse. Who knew what her husband would do once he realised she was the host of a monster?

 

It was nothing to do with fear, or the worry that her daughter might witness her and become afraid. No, it was only because she didn’t want anyone to see that she’d been turned into everything she hated. What sort of example would it set for Anri to watch her mother threaten her father?

 

...what sort of example did it set for her to see her father beat her mother?

 

Another glimpse of red dashed behind her eyes, quieting the voice screaming inside her head. It was possible that Sayaka was confusing the man’s effect on Saika with something deeper, but she didn’t want to think too deeply about it. For the first time in a long time, she’d been made to feel like an ordinary woman, rather than a beaten wife, quiet mother, or violent offender. It had been nice, and though it was only in her fantasies, it couldn’t hurt to think about it.

 

A loud crash echoed through the small apartment, making Sayaka jump and Saika slip out of her wrist. If this were any other night, she’d fight it, and use all of her energy to ensure that the demon blade retracted back into her body.

 

Tonight, however, something felt different.

 

She strained her ears, listening for any other sounds. If he was home, and he was angry, then he wouldn’t stop after breaking just one of their remaining items. 

 

The silence felt deafening as Sayaka moved closer to the door, trying with all of her might to hear what was happening on the other side.

 

Silence, then-

 

What was that? 

 

The sound was small and didn’t last long enough for Sayaka to analyse it. It had sounded familiar, and sent a chill running down her spine.

 

Her hand gripped the doorknob gently, careful not to make a sound as she twisted it and opened the door.

 

On the other side-

 

_ No. _

 

_ No! _

 

_ Not her! _

 

_ No! _

 

**_NO!_ **

 

Another flash of red entered her vision, though this time it wasn’t imagined.

 

Her daughter hit the floor hard, but Sayaka didn’t dare to reach out to her.

 

She was a monster, just as her husband had been a monster.

 

No, she was worse.

 

Resigned to her fate, Sayaka smiled-

 

-then protected Anri from herself.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so sorry.


End file.
